Day 3-My past meets the present; my desire to write has not changed, but my determination has!

The SF 49ers are playing football in an impressive new stadium and this evening my family and I had the opportunity to have a sneak peek.  The 90-minute tour led us from top to bottom, inside and out.  I was completely captivated imagining how one designs blue prints and with determination creates a stadium extraordinaire!  I realize with the Levi Stadium more than determination came into play, but my thoughts tonight center on this one theme:

     The difference between the impossible and the possible lies

     in a person's determination.-Tommy Lasorda

  

I found a paper I wrote over 15 years ago where I penned my           desire to write.  Because I lacked determination then, it did not happen. This time I am determined.  This blog will not be grand like this new stadium, but it will be mine; a piece of me like a name inscribed on a tile floor at the entrance of the stadium which acknowledges someone contributed in a small way to the greater good.  I hope my daily writings will do the same, even if I have to stay up till midnight to do so.

June 1, 1999:  I have to write--I just have to.  I have waited far too long for the perfect day, lots of time, beautiful scenery, no interruptions.  These things rarely exist all at the same opportune time so here I am.  I just have to begin.  I am going to jump in midstream, surrounded by chaos and hope for some words of sanity to pop out.  I have a wonderful life:  handsome husband, five beautiful children, a pretty home, but something inside me wants more from me.  All the feelings and passions I have need to come out and that’s where the writing comes in.  Deep down inside me I know there are words that long to be written on a page.  I can never say them out loud at the right moment, nor would they flow the way I want them to.  Yet, on paper, I believe I can pen my very heart and soul.  In the end, maybe I’ll discover more of who I am, besides the obvious answers.  Don’t take me wrong.  I am grateful for all that I am so far, but I desire to be so much more.  I want to be better, feel deeper, reach further, and become whoever I am finally supposed to be.  Just as a friend of mine hikes to the top of Vernal Falls in breathtaking Yosemite, covered with wetness from the spray of the falls and says he feels "absorbed in nature", I must find what truly absorbs me.   I feel like a sponge-porous and, though not new, I am fresh with holes not filled.

Rick and Charlotte at new Levi Stadium